Do you know I heard a lot of in the wake of the Christmas Day, Fruit-of-Kaboom, Crotch-Bomber case? "Just profile all the Arabs! That'll take care of it!" So I thought'd we'd play a little game with that. Let's see how good a "profiler" you are!
The rules of the game are simple:
A plane is scheduled to leave with 40 passengers checking in. They are pictured in their randomized seat assignments, below. The CIA knows that there are nine people who either have committed acts of terrorism or are or have been active members of terrorists organizations, such as Al-Quaeda or the Taliban (henceforce called merely "terrorists") that are trying to board.
To win the game, you have to successfully flag ALL NINE terrorists for *ahem* enhanced screening - at which point they'l be captured. If you let EVEN ONE terrorist on the plane, YOU LOSE.
You'll get SIX POINTS for each terrorist you "profile," for a max score of 54 points.
You won't gain or lose any points if you profile an Arab Muslim, who is not a terrorist. (So Con's? FEEL FREE TO USE YOUR PROFILE.)
By "Arab" we'll take anyone from Northern Africa, the Mid-East proper, Iran and any country that ends in "-stan."
You LOSE ONE POINT if you profile a non-Arab Muslim or a non-Muslim Arab.
You LOSE THREE POINTS if you profile a non-Arab, non-Muslim.
The way it works out, if you profile EVERYONE, you'll win, but with ZERO POINTS.
Try to get all nine keeping the best score you can.
So Take a sheet of paper, and write down the seat number of everyone you want profiled. (Make sure you can clearly see ALL FOUR passengers in each row. Click to enlarge, if you can't.) Then scroll down to find the key, see if you WIN, and TALLY YOUR SCORE.
GOOD LUCK! Let me know how you did, and if you lost, who you missed!
No peeking until you're done!!!!
Did you finish?
OK, here are your points, by seat:
:
Seat 1A - Lose 1 Point for profiling Yussf Islam, formerly known as the Singer/Sognwriter Cat Stevens. He's muslim, but he's British and of Greek and Sweedish decent.
Seat 1B - Zero Points for profiling Khalid Abdalla, a Scottish born actor of Egyptian decent. He's muslim, and although definitely not a terrorist he did play one in the movie United 93.
Seat 1C - Zero Points for profiling Doctor Abdullah Abdullah, the leading candidate to unseat Afgan President Hamid Kharzi in 2009, and long time opponent of Taliban rule.
Seat 1D - Zero Points for profiling the late, former Pakastani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto.
Seat 2A - Lose 1 Point for profiling Samir Geagea, the leader of the Lebanese Forces, the primary Christian force in Lebanon and a Maronite Christain himself.
Seat 2B - Lose 3 points if you profiled Microsoft Chairman and founder Bill Gates.
Seat 2C - Gain 6 Points if you spotted well-known Terrorist Bill Ayers! Hopefully you didn't let this guy on the plane! Did he skip past you? If so: YOU LOSE. Final Score: ZERO. (Note: For any conservtaives calling bullshit on this one: Either quit your rabid defense of profiling or else stop putting Ayers in the same class as Bin Laden, Okay?)
Seat 2D - Lose 3 points if you profiled Apple CEO and Founder Steve Jobs.
Seat 3A: Lose 3 points if you profiled Detroit Tiger Right Fielder Magglio Ordonez. The Venezuelan born slugger only terrorizes pitchers, and hasn’t even don’t that for a few years.
Seat 3B: Lose 3 Points if you profiled Cleveland Cavalier All-Star Center LeBron James.
Seat 3C: Gain 6 Points! That’s the fruit-of-Kaboom, Crotch-Bomber, Nigerian born Terrorist, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. But if you let him on: Game Over, You Lose.
Seat 3D: Lose 1 point (and face a lawsuit) if you profiled American Muslim Leader of the Nation of Islam, Louis Farrakhan.
Seat 4A: No points. There IS a female terrorist of the plane, but it’s not Asieh Amini, Iranian Journalist and advocate for Woman’s Right’s in Muslim countries.
Seat 4B: Lose 3 points if you profiled American Right Wing Radio commentator Laura Ingraham. (Even if it was satisfying to do so!)
Seat 4C: Gain 6 Points if you nabbed Oklahoma City bomber Terry Nichols! OTOH, if you though that was actor Rick Moranis and let him on? GAME OVER: YOU LOSE.
Seat 4D: Lose 3 points if you profiled British-Born Salman Rushdie, author of the Satanic Verses, a book critical of Islam. He is so NOT a Muslim or a Terrorist that the Ayatollah Khomeini issued a fatwa, calling for his death for publishing ‘Verses.
Seat 5A: Lose 3 points for profiling Indian entrepreneur, CEO and co-found of Mango Technologies, Sunil Maheswari.
Seat 5B: Zero Points for profiling Pierre Gemayel, the late Lebanese Politician who, during his time in office, opposed the Syrian influence in country.
Seat 5C: Lose 3 points, and some self-esteem, if you profiled Marie Osmond.
Seat 6A: Gain 6 Points if you nabbed Adam Gadahn, the American who became one of Al-Quaeda’s chief spokesman. If you let him on: GAME OVER.
Seat 6B: No points for Omar Berdouni, the Moroccan-born, British actor. (Also not a terrorist, but played one in United 93.)
Seat 6C: No points for profiling the late Kind Faud of Saudi Arabia, another one of our key allies in the first Gulf War. The king is not happy about it however, if you did.
Seat 6D: Gain 6 Points if you nabbed Olympic Bomber Eric Rudolph. But Game Over / You lose, if you let this one-time member of the FBI’s most wanted list on board.
Seat 7A: Lose 3 points for profiling Indian Tamil film actor Jayam Ravi.
Seat 7B: Lose 3 points for profiling Indian film actor Amrish Puri. He might have stuck terror as Mola Ram in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, but he’s no terrorist.
Seat 7C: No points for profiling Iraqi President Nouri Al-Maliki, but you are undermining our efforts building trust in that region!
Seat 7D: Gain 6 Points if you nabbed the late U.S. Army Veteran and Oklahoma City Bomber Tim McVeigh. Game Over for sure if you let this guy on.
Seat 8A: Lose 3 points for harassing the recently crowned RICHEST MAN IN THE WORLD, Mexican Communications Magnate Carlos Slim Helu.
Seat 8B: Gain 6 Points if you nabbed American Taliban Fighter John Walker Lindh. Game Over if the traitor got by you.
Seat 8C: Lose 3 points for harassing Spanish Tenor Placido Domingo.
Seat 8D: Gain 6 Points. Hopefully no one let Libyan President Muammar Gaddafi on the plane! Game Over is you missed this guy.
Seat 9A: Lose 3 points for profiling Indian-American Actor Ajay Naidu. (Did you see Office Space?)
Seat 9B: Lose 3 points for profiling Mexican-American Comedian Carlos Mencia, shown here supporting the troops with a concert in the Persian Gulf.
Seat 9C: Lose 1 point. No, that's not Khalid Shake Muhammad after his water-boarding, that’s Lebanese-American Actor, Tony Shaloub.
Seat 9D: Lose 3 points. This scary-looking guy is American Actor Joaquin Phoenix. I know, it’s the beard. Sheesh!
Seat 10A: Gain 6 Points if you called out Colleen LaRose, one of Al-Qaeda’s top Stateside recruiters. Game over if “Jihad Jane” gets on the plane!
Seat 10B: Lose 1 point for profiling Member of Congress Keith Ellison (D-MN).
Seat 10C: Zero points if you profile Pakistani Entrepreneur Farhan Liaquat.
Seat 10D: Lose 3 points (and most of your self-respect) if you profile Rolling Stones Guitarist Keith Richards.
SO HOW'D YOU DO? DID YOU MISS ANYONE? WHAT WAS YOUR FINAL SCORE?
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