Who IS this guy?!

'Niceguy' Eddie

Political Talk Show Host and Internet Radio Personality. My show, In My Humble Opinion, aired on RainbowRadio from 2015-2017.

Feel free to contact me at niceguy9418@usa.com. You can also friend me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, and Tumblr, and support my Patreon. Also, if you don't mind the stench, you can find my unofficial "fan club" over HERE. ;)


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Things you have to believe to be a Republican

There was a pretty famous email meme that was going around, c.2004, call “Things you have to believe to be a Republican Today.” There is different version, but the following seems to be a pretty common version:

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

1) Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

2) Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

3) The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

4) A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

5) Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

6) The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7) If condoms are kept out of schools, teenagers won't have sex.

8) A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9) Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

10) HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

11) Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

12) A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

13) Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

14) The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

15) Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

16) You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

17) What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

The truly scary thing is that none of these are really all that farcical!

I’ve sent this to many conservative friends of mine and while they don’t appreciate have their bullshit called out, or mocked, none of them really made any effort to deny that these were legitimate points! And if anything? They’ve pretty much doubled down on them since then!

About the only one that’s changed is (16) because now the conservative interests (industry, religious funny-mentalists, teabaggers, etc…) are BURYING US under voter initiatives to try and cram their agenda down our throats. And before anyone even TIRES to tell me that voter initiatives are in ANY WAY democratic, I will remind you that the general public is almost always woefully misinformed about what’s actually IN most of these.   which is pretty much exactly how these initiatives’ sponsors want it! Orwell would either be proud or is rollingin his grave, I’m not sure which.

In any case, while the list itself is still depressingly relevant there are a few I’d like to add:

18) Using racist rhetoric is an appropriate exercise of your first amendment rights, but pointing out the inherent racism in someone else’s comments is hate speech.

19) Every black person who voted for Obama is a racist, but none of the white people who voted for McCain are.

20) Anything bad that happened while Bush was still in office is Obama’s fault. Anything good that happens while Obama is in office is because of something Bush did.

21) Social Security is going broke because we don’t have enough money going into it. Therefore we should take MORE MONEY away from it.*

22) MSNBC, which gives former Republican Senator Joe Scarborough his own morning show and once gave both Mike Savage and Tucker Carlson their own shows is liberally biased, but Fox, which made Alan Colmes share a show with Sean Hannity and which currently features NO regular liberals (or even moderate) commentators is “fair and balanced.”

23) The Founding Fathers, who went out of their way to guarantee us freedom of religion, were Evangelical Christian Fundamentalists who wanted all of us to practice the same religion.

24) Murdering a Doctor is doing God’s work, but setting up an Islamic community center is terrorism.

25) It’s freedom of religion, not freedom from religion… unless that religion is something other than Fundamentalist Evangelical Christianity.

26) Keeping religion out of the classroom is a Violation of the 1st Amendment / Freedom of Religion, but kicking Muslims out of the country is not.

27) A Republican Supreme Court Nominee talking about his Italian heritage is being patriotic, but a Democratic Court Nominee talking about her Puerto Rican heritage is being racist.

28) Deficits don’t matter when the Republicans control the Federal Government, but they’re of critical importance when the Democrats do.

Feel free to add mine onto the list and forward it on. There are many “Democrat” versions, though none really caught on like this one did. There will howver be a part-2 to this, where I’ll take apart the one [about the Democrats] that comes up in the #1 slot in Google.


*I’m often told by conservatives that can’t fix every problem by throwing money at it. My counter argument is that you can’t really fix ANY problem by taking money AWAY from it!


  1. Whew!! Good to see the Eddie I know and love. Just tried to link to you through your "LOL" on the Breitbart et al deny Tea Party racism thread, and it linked to a bible study site. I was afraid you'd gone all Born Again on me.

    Seen IKIRU yet? I've got another for you: HARAKIRI, directed by Masaki Kobayashi, and starring Tatsuya Nakadai, who was the villian in both YOJIMBO and SANJURO, and the king in RAN.

  2. The only thing that could make this better would be a lot of citations. It actually shouldn't be too hard to find for most of these.

    That's one of the key differences between liberals and conservative internet debates, and the reason I respect liberals a lot more.

    Conservatives use a LOT less actual documentation. You go to media matters, and you're likely to see graphs, charts and links in the comments section. You go to a Republican board and.. it's quite different.

  3. @Conchobhar

    O.M.G.!!! That's BIZARRE! WTF? (Checking it out now...) LOL - I mistyped the web address! Wow... That "bible-study" site is: eddiecabot.blogpsot.com! (blogPSot instead of blogSPot.) I'm sure THAT got some people confused! LOL. OMG, what a non-sequitor!

    No I STILL haven't seen Ikiru yet. (Note to other readers: Conchobhar & I have been talking about that movie since like February.) But it's still sitting on my shelf. I blame my wife. She hasn't been in the mood for a while...

    ...And hasn't wanted to watch the movie either! (Ba-dump-bump!)

    I'll add Harahkiri to my list. Thanks for the recomendation. I thought Nakadai was incredible in Ran. (Though I'm sorry to say that I don't remember him from either Sanjuro or Yojimbo! I'll have to dust those off as well.) In my defense, Mifune does tend to dominate the screen in those two though. And he was no longer absurdly overacting at that point. like in Seven Samurai and Reshomon. Not so much in Hidden Fortress, maybe, but the Constantly Screaming Princess more than made up for it, no? I'm pretty sure the whole thing about her pretending to be a mute was written in AFTER shooting strated and she started giving the director a headache. LOL.

    But thanks, I'll (eventually) be sure to check it out!

  4. @Dradeeus,

    Too true, too true. This was just a bit of fun, as is the next one, but you're absolutely right. And I love how Rush and company try to make that whole "out of context" claim, when MMFA includes the whole clip, and links to all of the original source material, and sometimes (thought not as often as they used to) complete transcripts of the source material.

    Yeah... this one is kind of lazy on my part, but it WAS just an email that went around. I'm afraid to say that my response (next post) to the Democrat version won't be much better, but it still should be a bit of fun, even if it IS just preaching to the choir.

    Thanks for your comment.